


Adventures in Keeping a Low Profile

by artificiallifecreator



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Mental Health Issues, Underlings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-08
Packaged: 2017-12-14 06:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificiallifecreator/pseuds/artificiallifecreator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following a 'fly on the wall' in SHEILD. Laundry technicians may never be in the line of fire, but someone must replace the towels in, say, Agent Coulson's room. Some stories are based on tumblr blogs. Others aren't. Some deal with mental health. Some even work together to make a plot! Smiles are expected :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tip One

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, the Avengers are not mine. They belong to Marvel.
> 
> Next, this tip is not mine. It came from the tumblr 'SHIELD Recruit Survival Tips'.
> 
> And I can't figure out how to keep the text aligned left. Every time I change it and then go to preview, the text is back in the center *shrug* Oh well, sorry!

 

 

Tip 1

_Always make more coffee if you empty the pot. You do not want to know what will happen to you if you fail to do so._

* * *

The situation required very careful thinking, not to mention the wording. I pondered for about a minute before grasping the high quality plastic handle and turned to face my peers.

"I'm about to put on a new pot of coffee. Who wants the rest of this one?"

Agent Coulson entered the mess from a nearby door, and anyone who was about to call dibs were suddenly uninterested.

"One cream, no sugar," I said as I poured out the dregs.

Agent Coulson took a sip and seemed satisfied, "Good work Agent Scott,"

"Anything I can do to help," I replied with a smile. He smiled too, and left, while I gave the pot a rinse and set the coffee maker up for maximum gurgle.

"Hey Gladys," said Agent Whitehouse as I walked by, "Was that all you're having for breakfast?"

"Already ate," I replied, and perched on the edge of the table"I could get dressed and come here to eat without a shower, or I could eat, scrub, and then get dressed." I wrinkled my nose, "I'd rather [start](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9062776/1/Adventures-in-Keeping-a-Low-Profile) the day off warm and clean."

"You're that hungry," said Agent Minassian.

I put on my best 'shame face', "I regret to admit it, but it's true."

"And yet two pieces of toast, a glass of juice, and a cup of hot chocolate'll hold you out 'till dinner," said Agent Whitehouse.

"Two stimulants?" I offered.

"Again, jeal-ous," said Agent Whitehouse.

"Excuse me while I turn sideways and fall through any wooden floor," I said dryly.

The room suddenly seemed quite a bit emptier than earlier, and my phone buzzed.

"Aw crap," whined Agent Minassian, "We're gonna be laaate."

"Last one to the laundry room's on oil duty!" yelled another laundry technician.

"That's my cue," I smiled and grabbed my bag, "I bid thee adieu."

"See you later."

"Bye Gladys."

* * *

Sometimes I like to run behind my laundry cart until it gets going at quite a clip. That's when I hop on the back and sail through the hallways. Quite a fun way to clean up my afternoon. I figure as long as I don't hit anyone, it's okay, which is why I prefer dealing with the less-traveled wings of the Helicarrier. As such, when Agent Coulson appeared at the next junction, I was more than a little surprised. I threw all my weight onto the brake plate and wound up with a handle bar in the stomach for my troubles.

"In the interest of keeping less diplomatic parties off your case, why didn't you take the last cup?" he asked.

I hopped down and checked the wheels. Burnt rubber is such a nasty smell. "I don't drink the stuff, but even if I did, someone here probably needs it more than me," I replied and stood, "I have eight or nine genetically modified cups a day."

"Really." He was interested. Or playing along. Not entirely sure which. "I'd like to talk to you about your caffeine source."

"It hits a certain part of my brain, keeps me awake and focused...?" This was... Something was wrong. "With all due respect Agent Coulson, when was the last time you slept?" I hastily continued, "Sir, I just led you to believe that my ADHD medication is a substitute for coffee. If I can get that by you, I can't imagine what the Avengers will try and pull."

He mulled this over, "Three days might be a bit much,"

"A little, yea." I gestured to my cart, "If you wanna hop in, I'll give you a ride to your quarters if you don't mind two-sleep old sheets."

I'll let the reader decide how that ends ;)


	2. Tip 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our hapless laundry technician finds herself caught in the crossfire between two mischevious agents. One of which is a master marksman. Poor thing never knew what hit her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to thiswilldrivemecrazy and her Agent Kelly for the name. I haven't got her approval yet because I mistook her Agent Kelly for Lady-Mitsuki-Sieon's Agent Stone. Sooo embarrassed. 
> 
> Anywho, here is a message to all you dear readers! I need names, so if you don't mind me using your quarters on the ship as landmarkers, please let me know!

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #2: Remain aware of the [ceiling tiles](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9062776/2/Adventures-in-Keeping-a-Low-Profile). Agent Barton likes to hide in them with NERF weaponry.

* * *

I sat on an overturned bucket in a closet. My clipboard was decked with a fresh sheet of paper and I wielded a pen. How exactly should I bring Agent Stone up to date?

Might as well [start](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9062776/2/Adventures-in-Keeping-a-Low-Profile) with her name and the subject:

_Re: Your quarters_

_Good day Agent Stone,_

That sounds ominous.

I hastily elaborated:

_Don't worry- I've take care of your room (tidied and changed the linens)_.

Now that I thought about it, I left in a hurry. Maybe I forgot something. "... _however if you find any NERF ammo, it belongs to Agent Barton and I'm sure he will be happy to have it back_."

And here comes my spiteful side: _(so keep it for a while, if you please)._

Is it just me, or does that not actually clear up the situation?

_Allow me to explain._..

* * *

It all started yesterday morning:

"Good morning Agent Scott."

I smiled back at the older gentleman standing in front of my table, "Good morning Agent Clarke, what can I do for you?"

He had a bushy grey moustache and twinkly brown eyes with a crinkle factor relative to the breadth of his smile (which had just grown), "I can't just say hello?"

I leaned back and crossed my arms, "You're due back in New York and we have a new shift manager."

He nodded and took a seat, "You are quite astute Agent Scott."

"Want me to take over until you get this straightened out?" I asked, then did a double take. "You do that too?"

"Get others to ask _me_ what _I_ want? I didn't get this old without learning at least something," he replied, "I should warn you that Agent Kelly is on my rounds."

"Agent Kelly as in 'got stuck in the vent shaft' Agent Kelly?"

"The very same."

She probably doesn't need that much detail. I settle with _"I'm the laundry technician (temporarily) assigned to this corridor._ "

* * *

Now for the problem:

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and I swear it came from the ceiling. I heard a click. I leapt a few feet in the air with a hiss.

And then I was struck by a barrage of foam missiles.

I screamed bloody murder and dove back into the room.

I threw myself under the bed and had my Swiss Army knife in hand before I started running through scenarios.

…My reputation for being a 'fraidy cat doesn't need more help.

_"As I was leaving your quarters this morning, I was accosted by Agent Barton, or rather, a round of NERF darts."_ (That sounds nice.)

* * *

A few moments later, someone knocked on the door: "Uh, sorry about that. I thought you were Agent Kelly." I could hardly hear him over the taiko drum slamming against my ribs. It was _really_ starting to hurt.

_He apologized, and said he mistook me for you._

* * *

I took motor control back from the flight or fight response: "Want your ammo back?" I asked.

"Yea, if you wouldn't mind."

I actually had to force my legs by hand, but everything seemed better out in the open.

"Take them and go," I said, and Agent Barton started pulling off darts. Quoting skits and TV shows meant I didn't have to do a lick of thinking.

"Any way I can make this up to you?

"I'm sure there's something. I'll call it in later though." A ceiling tile four squares down had fallen open so an automatic NERF crossbow had a clear shot into the hall.

_I thought it best to let you know of this occurrence, and I would also like to warn you- he had a few more rounds at the ready. In the coming days, I recommend you keep your wits about you._

* * *

And that about sums up that ten minutes.

I dropped Clipboard into my cart and, with a great feeling of trepidation, crept back to Kelly's room. I slipped inside, and put my note on her pillow. I gave the room another going over but I didn't see any darts.

Was I hoping they were all gone (for the sake of my career), or was I subconsciously missing one? I shrugged; she wasn't a new recruit, so if Agent Barton was lying in wait, she had her own arsenal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did the spacing work out? I'm never sure how A03's gonna display line spaces and stuff. Does it flow okay? Follow-able? Should I try this format again?  
> My author's note on Fanfiction said something about pondering stuff. I wonder what that stuff was.  
> Thank you very much!  
> \- ALC

**Author's Note:**

> And thus, here be the first of... a dozen (?) shorts I've written based off the tumbr blogs SHIELD Recruit Survival Tips and Memos From Fury. Some others pertain to mental health. Is 'short' the right term for interconnected stories that aren't very long?
> 
> Anywho, this wasn't originally going to be the beginning of this series, but the other candidate wasn't based off a tip. It has more character development than this one, but a couple of my friends it would work. Would the reader care to comment? Is there enough detail about Gladys Scott to form a rapport? Now that I think about it, maybe that Tip 457 (Do not, under any circumstances, harass the office workers in any way, shape, or form. Organizational skills weren't the only reason they were hired) would have been best. Eh, whatever. I did track it down in, what, 30 seconds, however I want to post this thing!
> 
> I'm kinda wondering about taking a different angle with this, and calling it 'Fury's Snakes'. The thing is, I wouldn't be experimenting with a technique that has me in awe. It would start right in the action, without this 'moseying along' stuff. 'Cept I need the moseying along stuff for zee technique. And I'm worried about not starting with the action because you lovely people'll get bored. *sigh*. I'll figure out something (although I'd love advise).
> 
> Thank you very much for your time, I really appreciate it :)
> 
> \- ALC


End file.
